


hair, mouths and lots of letters

by LeelaGranger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarry, Enemies to Friends, F/F, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Idiots in Love, Love Letters, M/M, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, i dont much see the point in unhappy endings, not really a ginny/luna fic but they're cute, this is sadder than i planned but i promise it'll have a happy ending, unintentional pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24616651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeelaGranger/pseuds/LeelaGranger
Summary: based on this tumblr post by @hazlovesdraco:essentially Ginny and Harry never dated in sixth year and now, when eighth year rolls around, Ginny strikes up a deal with Draco wherein Draco writes love letters for her to woo Harry with and in exchange she helps him restore the Malfoy reputation since their situations have basically flippedHarry starts replying and Draco find himself falling in love with Harry through the letters that Ginny passes back to him so he can reply
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s), pseudo Harry/Ginny
Comments: 33
Kudos: 413





	1. how this whole mess started

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first ever Drarry fic. Idk why i decided to write but here it is.

_Dear Harry,_

_I still remember the first time I saw you play Quidditch. You were so sure of yourself and of your movements. I remember thinking to myself - that’s exactly how I want to be. Merlin, we were so young. You looked so wide eyed and smiled so easily. It’s hard to comprehend how short a time ago that all was._

 _What I would give to play Quidditch with you again and have that be all that mattered. Have the most remarkable thing you did be catching the Snitch in your mouth? Could you imagine that? Wind in your hair? Eyes tearing up? Having no one chasing you, screaming just for the sheer delight of it all? Bet I could out maneuver you at this point. I’m always up for it or whatever else you might want to do._

_With love,_

_Ginny_

"This is brilliant, Malfoy, thanks.” Ginny said after reading it, then playfully punched him in the arm. Draco did not know how he ended up in this situation. Seriously, it had only been two nights ago when he’d been very content to get very deeply drunk by himself by the lake for yet another night of forgetting and an ounce of self pity, when Ginny had appeared out of nowhere and nearly tripped over him.

“Malfoy, what are you doing here?!” He held up the bottle of Firewhisky he had been planning on downing in response.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Is there a brain under all that hair? Or does the red burn it from within?” She glowered and some small part of Draco wished he hadn’t said it. But most of him just wanted to be left alone.

“What is your problem? Why are you such a prick?”

“I don’t have a good answer, sorry,” he smiled at her as he said it. For a moment he thought she might punch him so he asked, “What are you doing out here anyway?”

“Needed a walk to clear my head. I have a hard time sleeping.”

“I wonder when I’ll find someone who tells me that they sleep through the night.” Merlin, he must be more tispy than he realized, he had not meant to say that out loud. But Ginny’s face softened, so at least the fear of her punching him was gone.

“You up for sharing?” She pointed to the mostly full bottle still clenched tightly in his hand and sat down as if he’d already said yes.

“I suppose not drinking alone next to a body of water isn’t the worst idea.” So there they sat, silently drinking straight from the bottle. Draco thought he probably should be concerned that he was basically turning into an alcoholic, seeing as he did this most nights. He was pretty sure this was his fourth bottle of the month. He usually did it alone. It was easier to forget why he had to drink at all when there wasn’t another person there serving as a reminder. But there was also something deeply depressing about drinking alone. He could invite one of his friends along he supposed, but then they would tell him to stop. Sitting here drinking with the Weaselette wasn’t the worst thing.

“You know,” she said suddenly, her speech very slow, “Luna told me about being imprisoned in the Manor. She said you were always nice to her. So maybe you’re not such a prick.” Then she giggled. None of it made much sense through the pleasant fog that currently guarded his head.

“Be nice if she said that to more people.” he said looking up at the sky, “My reputation isn’t well -- you know.” They stopped talking. Draco let his tiredness win and fell asleep right there.

He woke up the next morning alone, but with Ginny’s sweater over him. They’d finished the bottle and by the looks of it, she’d taken it with her when she went back to the castle. He groaned as he sat up. His back hurt from the hard ground and his head ached like a bitch. And he’d have to return her sweater. But at least he’d slept through the night. Not a dream he could remember.

***

Draco found her in between classes.

“This is yours.” He handed it to her and continued walking quickly. Some of his papers fell as he repositioned them. He stopped to pick them up.

“You’re welcome by the way.” Ginny said as she bent down to help him.

“For what? Finishing my alcohol?”

“For not leaving you to freeze. You’re never going to have a good reputation if you keep on insisting on being a prick.”

“What do you know?” He sneered. She frowned and looked down at the stuff she picked up for him.

“Apologize and say thank you. Or I won’t give these back.” It was an essay for Potions, some Charms homework and a few loose pieces of parchment. Draco’s heart stopped. _Don’t read it don’t read it don’t read it._ But the Weaselette’s eyes scanned the page trying to figure out what it was. 

“I apologize and thank you. Please may I have my work?” He said fast in an attempt to get it back.

“Malfoy, what is this?” It was something no one was meant to see. A coping mechanism his mother had recommended. Whenever he felt the memories boil to the surface and he felt himself slipping out of reality, he was to write down everything he saw in front of him in as explicit detail as he could. He’d taken to writing down all his observations about the people around him as well.

“None of your business, now give it here.” Ginny only passed him the schoolwork though. Keeping her right hand clutched around the parchment. They both stood and Draco made an effort to wrench the paper away from her.

“Six older brothers, nice try.” She said moving her hand away quickly. But then she stopped reading. As if speaking had broken the spell of reading other people’s private notes against their will.

“What is this?” She asked again.

“Private,” he said and this time she handed it back to him.

“You’re a very good writer by the way. I like the way you describe people.” Ginny smiled, Draco frowned.

He began to walk away again, determined to succeed this time. He made it all of ten steps when Ginny called after him. “Wait!”

“Salazar save me.” Draco whispered.

“I have a proposition for you.” 

“You what now?”

“Just listen, I had this really great idea just now. I need your help with something and in exchange Luna and I will work with you to restore your reputation.”

“What?” he asked incredulously, “What could you possibly need my help with?”

“I need you to write some letters for me. I’m no good at it or at sappy romantic stuff, but there is this guy I really like and I want you to write me love letters for him.” Trust a Gryfinddor to come up with such a ridiculous and bold face plan.

“You want me writing love letters for you?” Draco started laughing bitterly, “And I suppose these are to Potter, right? You want me to write love letters to a man that hates me.”

“And a man who saved your life and the entire wizarding world, so shut up.” She stared at him, “Just think about it. Reputation in exchange for a few letters.”

***

And that’s how Draco ended up back at the lake, handing Ginny the letter. It hadn’t been overly difficult once he got over the sheer irony and awkwardness of it. “Could you write another one in the next two days maybe? And you can join me, Luna and a couple others in the library tomorrow before dinner. We like to sit there and do homework.” 

“Fine.”

_Dear Harry,_

_There’s this little thing you do, which I doubt you are even aware of, but it makes me smile every time. Whenever you push your glasses up the bridge of your nose, you immediately run your fingers through your hair. I don’t know why, but you do. Maybe that’s why your hair is always so messy._

 _It’s growing out nicely, by the way. Though the way you tug at the ends of it makes me wonder whether it’s intentional or you just haven’t found the time to cut it. I hope it’s on purpose, you’d look really great with those curls. Let me know the plan, maybe?_

_With love,_

_Ginny_

Homework with the Weaselette and Lovegood was painfully awkward at best. They'd all seemed to have been informed that Draco was coming, but were still surprised to see him. Pansy had asked where he was going on his way out and he’d just shrugged. It was like that a lot these days.

No one really spoke to him, but no one glared at him either. They sat by year, so people could whisper questions to each other. Draco sat next to Lovegood, who smiled at him.

“I’m glad you came,” she said while everyone started packing up, Draco gave her the smallest closed lip smile and walked away before she could say more.


	2. and now it's real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry starts replying. Draco has friends. In person Harry still m.i.a but I promise he'll be here. this is incredibly Draco focused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the part where i reveal that i am a slut for writing angst. i love fluff but i cheat on it with angst on the daily. no shame honestly. also i promise we will get an in person Harry eventually, but for now this is what you get. i'll probably post the next chapter later today, but this felt like a natural stopping point.

_Dear Harry,_

_Do you know that you always yawn ten minutes before the end of Divination? It’s uncanny how consistent you are. You stretch your neck out and then yawn. It’s like my own personal little reminder that class is almost over._

_I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. Please let me know, because if I am I will definitely stop._

_With love,_

_Ginny_

“Malfoy! He responded!” Ginny squealed when she saw him three days later. It’d been a daze of a week since this all began. More doing homework silently in the library with people who didn’t really want him there, but were at least quiet about it. 

“Congratulations to him for doing what one is supposed to do when they receive a letter.” 

“Oh shut it, it’s sweet. Here read it so you can reply.” She was literally beaming.

“How long am I going to be expected to keep up this correspondence?” Draco had assumed that it’d be a few letters then the idiot would ask the red head out and he’d put this all behind him. And maybe he would have gotten an awkward friendship with Lovegood out of it. 

She was the only one besides Ginny who talked to him. Mostly to answer questions she knew he had by looking over at his papers. As infuriating as it was, it was also pretty darn helpful. Though sometimes it was hard to look at her. It gave him flashbacks and he would have to write down the way Longbottom held his quill from across of the table. 

“Well I guess until he and I outgrow the stage of letters. I mean hopefully he’ll just ask me out. But for now this is where we are.”

“Fine, give it here.” She handed it to him and smiled again. 

“Thank you! And I’ll see you before dinner like always, okay?” As she walked to her next class, Draco wondered if that offer would still be there when all this letter business was over. No use in thinking about it now, he thought, now I've got a letter to respond to.

_Gin,_

_I was surprised to get your letters. You never struck me as the letter writing type, but I appreciate them. Strange isn’t it, to be writing letters to someone who you see every day? But I kind of like it. It’s kind of quiet and I need some more of that._

_I didn’t realize any of the stuff you said about me until you pointed it out, though Hermione does complain that I'm always tired in class. Hard to sleep most nights, I try to tell her. But she says I’ve been doing it for years and it drives her crazy._

_Haven’t given my hair much thought, though I am now more open to the idea of letting it get longer. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted._

_Would love to play Quidditch at the Burrow. Maybe during break?_

_-Harry_

_ps: you don't make me uncomfortable_

The dumb idiot hadn’t left him anything to respond to. No wonder Ginny had to resort to practically hiring someone to do this for her, Potter did not have the greatest conversational skills. 

_Dear Harry,_

_Well I’m certainly glad I don’t make you uncomfortable, that would be most unfortunate. Then I’d have the image of you reading these letters with your uncomfortable face on. You might not know this either, but you smile when you’re uncomfortable. It’s the most restrained smile I’ve ever seen._

_Also, I understand what you mean about quiet. But I think I have rather the opposite feeling. I want to constantly be doing something so that the rest of it never catches up with me. I think the quiet is slowly turning into one of my fears. But I’m more than happy to provide you a space to be quiet, even if I write these letters while humming to myself._

_Burrow Quidditch sounds like a swell plan._

_With love,_

_Ginny_

Draco gave Ginny both letters when he got to the library. She thanked him as he took his usual place next to Lovegood. The group was no longer alarmed by his general presence, which was nice. His only question was how they all came together. It was a mix of students from different houses and different years, who all took different classes. There was no logical pattern that he could find between them. 

Two weeks in, he finally built up the courage to ask Luna about it. People were still packing up their things and were mingling about. 

“We all lived together in the Room of Requirement last year.” Longbottom answered. Draco jumped lightly, having not expected him to respond. “This group are the people who were mostly in charge or most badly beaten.” He stared at Draco and it took every ounce of stubbornness Draco had not to look away. Longbottom stood just a little bit taller than Draco now and Draco remembered seeing him with a bloody sword and an even bloodier body. 

“It’s good to have people around you who understand.” He said, resisting the urge to grab his quill and write down the way Chang was playing with a snag on her robes with chewed up fingernails. Longbottom just nodded and walked toward the Great Hall. 

“Neville’s a sweet guy, he’s just been through a lot.” Luna said. 

“Haven’t we all?”

_Gin,_

_I actually do know that I smile when I’m uncomfortable, believe it or not. It’s because I used to get in trouble when I frowned too much. My aunt would always ask why I was so upset, didn’t I know how much they put into raising me? So I smiled when I outgrew my shoes or burned my hand while cooking dinner._

_I get what you mean about the quiet. There are definitely days when I can’t stand my own thoughts. Nights are probably the hardest, though I suppose that doesn’t make me special. I wonder when’s the next time I’ll find someone who tells me they sleep through the night easily. But I do sometimes wish for the more peaceful quiet. Not the kind that invades your head, but the kind you share with a couple people and lets you just breathe. These letters kind of feel like that._

_Sorry if this ends up being more a diary, but it feels safe._

_-Harry_

Draco must have reread the letter ten times now. He’d known that Potter had a rough childhood, but never heard about it first hand. Draco wanted to kick himself for any joke he'd made about Potter’s home life. He wanted to kick himself for a lot of things. Instead he went back down to the lake to get drunk again. He’d write a response tomorrow. 

When he got to his usual spot though, Blaise and Pansy were there waiting for him. 

“What are you guys doing here?”

“We asked the Weasley girl if she knew where you disappeared to every night, since she’s apparently your new bestie,” Pansy said. 

“She and I have a mutually beneficial agreement going. One I would have gotten around to telling you about.” Because he hadn't, it’d been over two weeks and he just left to go to the library every day without saying a word. He’d barely been talking to them at all. He’d barely been talking. 

“No, you wouldn’t have. Not unless we asked point blank and even then you'd've given that bullshit half answer you just gave. We don’t care that you’re hanging out with her, we just want to know what’s going on.” Pansy kept her arms crossed the entire time she spoke. It looked like she was trying to hug herself. 

“We’re worried, Draco,” Blaise said, “We know you sneak out to drink all the time and that you are self isolating. We aren’t blind for Merlin’s sake.” 

Draco just stared at his two friends. Standing in front him with hurt and worry battling for dominance over their features. Where was his quill? He wanted to write about the small waves on the banks of the lake or the way the grass beneath his feet was all crushed. Anything but the way his friends looked right now. He hated himself. 

“You’re not the only one hurting.” Pansy whispered, and Blaise put a comforting arm around her shoulder. 

Draco didn’t have the words, so he walked forward and hugged her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and Blaise wrapped his arms around both of them. Draco realized how long it had been since he’d had physical human contact. It felt so good. They all used to have such consistent touching -- walking arm in arm, resting with each other’s heads in their lap, playing with each other’s hair. It had been months without that and he hadn't realize how terrible it'd been without it. 

“You’re going to laugh when you find out what this deal with Ginny is. I’m horrendously embarrassed, and you have every right to make fun of me,” he said while still resting his chin on the top of Pansy’s head. 

She pulled away slowly to look at him, Blaise took a step back. They both looked at him, waiting for him to continue. He explained to them everything that had occurred. It seemed somehow even more ridiculous when he said it out loud.

“So you’re writing love letters to Potter? This is going to go well.”

“I’ll make sure to keep you informed.” He didn’t even notice that he had dropped his bottle. It lay on the ground forgotten as the three of them walked back to the warmth of the castle with their arms linked. 

_Dear Harry,_

_I hate when people apologize for things that aren’t their fault or can’t be changed, so I won’t say I’m sorry for how you were treated. I can’t imagine what my life would be without my parents and all they gave me. So much of my life has been defined by how I was raised. I think it’s amazing how compassionate you are despite it all. You have every reason to hate the world and yet you saved it._

_Here’s another thing about your smiles. They’re so easy to see through. When you’re genuinely smiling, your eyes crinkle. You’ll probably get crow’s feet later in life, which in my opinion are the best wrinkles one can get_ ~~_if you have to wrinkle at all that is_ ~~_~~,~~ it marks a life spent happy. When you smile because you feel you have to it should be so obvious to any person you are faking. _

_I’m definitely okay with being your diary._

_With quiet love,_

_Ginny_

_Gin,_

_Thanks for not apologizing even if you kind of did. I also hate when people say sorry for things they didn’t do. When I think about living with the Dursely’s it almost feels like it happened to someone else. In a way I think Hogwarts raised me more than they did. I don’t know who’d I’d be without this place._

_Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like if Sirius hadn’t tried to kill Pettigrew. If I had grown up at 12 Grimmauld Place with a parent type that actually cared about me. It’s a useless thought experiment that usually leaves me more upset than anything else, but I can’t help it. I didn’t know what love was until I was eleven when I befriended Ron and Hermione. I know I was saved by my mother’s love, but it’s not the same because she was gone before I knew her. Don’t know if I’ve ever admitted that._

_Glad you’re okay with being my diary. Please let me know if I make you uncomfortable. I’d hate to do that and lose this. I like that you know me and my smiles._

_-Harry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we stan good friends and hugs. promise they'll be laughter coming your way and Draco smiling for real. stay tuned for next chapters and def more letters.
> 
> also currently (and always) stanning the ever loving hell out of daniel radcliffe. trans women are women why is that so difficult for people?


	3. going out and collisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco goes with his new friends to Hogsmeade. I fulfill my promise of in-person Harry by having them exchange a whole two and a half lines of dialogue. Also plot. And of course more letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you have as much fun reading this as i did writing it

_Dear Harry,_

_Believe me when I say I also engage in useless thought experiments. There are so many decisions that I have made that I wish I could take back. I think that happens when you’ve been through what we all went through. War is an ugly thing. Sometimes I think that not all of me survived it. Then I wonder if that’s not such a bad thing._

_I am honored that you are sharing such personal things with me. I harbor no judgement that you feel that way about your mom. How can you not? Knowledge of an emotion is not the feeling._

_Also, in no way do you make me uncomfortable. I’d hate to lose this as well. Hope to see you smile some more so I can tell you more about it._

_With quiet love,_

_Ginny_

“You are actually so good at this, you know.” Ginny said to him when she finished reading his most recent letter. They’d been getting both harder and easier to write and it was making Draco feel things. On one hand the words came much easier to him now. The correspondence was something he looked forward to getting to continue. It was wonderful to pen his thoughts and have them be received so openly. To his surprise, Potter had turned into an excellent conversation partner. 

The hard part was signing Ginny’s name at the bottom. The hard part was deceiving Potter, having him think all his secrets were going to this girl he trusted, but in reality they were also going to Draco. He tried to ask Ginny what she liked about him so he could make them more personal to her, but she just kept going on about his heroics and there seemed to be some kind of magic in the letters in that they were not about Potter the Saviour. The one reference that had been made was promptly ignored and never brought back up again. 

“Thank you. I seemed to have discovered a talent as a ghost writer.”

“You’re a bloody brilliant one. That bit about knowledge was so good. And Harry really likes them, I think. He smiles at me more and you’re right that it’s a gorgeous smile.” Merlin, it was. The more Draco wrote about the more he thought about. It had turned into a borderline obsession with Potter’s mouth. If he ever had to write during class he had with him, his observations were solely about Potter’s mouth in all of its intricacies. 

“Let me know when you get the next one and I’ll continue to dazzle him for you.” Blaise and Pansy continued to tease him about how terrible an idea it all was, but he ignored them. The only other person who knew of their arrangement was Luna. No one besides him and Ginny read the letters though, he insisted. 

“Of course, of course. That reminds me, our little group is going into Hogsmeade this weekend and you’re coming with us.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t think the others would care much for that.” Even if they now had acclimated to his presence. One month in and looking up. Students had generally stopped frowning at him when they saw him in the halls. A couple even offered him a few closed lip smiles. Pansy's face the first time it happened made Draco chuckle. 

“Neville suggested it actually and no one raised an objection.” Longbottom? Well that was certainly a surprise. If anyone would have invited him it would have been Luna. Since their stare down two weeks ago though, Draco supposed he’d been warmer to him. 

“Well then I guess I have no choice in the matter. Don’t want to disappoint your ringleader.”

“You can still be a prick, you know that? But at this point you should be saying _our_ ringleader. The group has decided you’re one of us.” And wasn’t that the best surprise he’d ever gotten? 

***

Wandering around Hogsmeade was a completely different situation than the library. The companionable quiet and help, now replaced with lively conversation and witty banter.

“We should name ourselves. Have a fun gang name like you lot had in fifth year.” “I want candy!” “Anyone up for some Butterbeer?” “Oh no that hat is hideous what are you thinking?” “Neville you should buy this sword and hang it over your bed.” “Can we please get candy? I have a sweet tooth.”

Draco listened to it all, still playing the outsider. But he smiled at how easy going it all was. Joking about the war caught him off guard though. Luna, who knew about his writing habit, grabbed his hand. It twitched whenever he had the urge. Draco didn’t know if she’d been told by Ginny, or had merely observed. Though he’d guess the latter. She was the only person he knew who could match him in observational skills. They’d begun passing notes subtly to each other with amusing observations. Though sometimes Luna’s had to do with some magical creature around that he barely had heard of. 

All in all he was having a pleasant time. The others talked to him too. None of them held back smiles. 

Then they ran into Potter, Weasley and Granger outside Honeydukes. Draco’s stomach did some weird acrobatics. He’d obviously seen Potter since this whole letter business had begun, but in passing in the halls or while staring at him in class. 

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” Granger asked. The three of them seemed to get absorbed into the group and Draco grabbed for Luna’s hand again. Without even looking at him, she squeezed. 

“Hey, Gin,” Potter said coming to stand beside her as they walked. Ginny stood on Luna’s other side, so Draco could hear every word. 

“Hi, Harry. How’s it going?”

“I’m doing okay. Eighth year classes are no joke though. I’m surprised we all agreed to go out with all the work we have piling up.”

“Everyone needs a break from time to time.” She said with another smile. 

“Definitely. What about you, Luna, you feeling the pressure of the work?” Potter looked past Ginny for the first time as he said it. Only then did he seem to notice Draco. A shock flashed across his face. 

“Not really. We do our homework in a group so I have a lot of help.”

“You do most of the helping,” Draco said. “Not the other way around.”

“I suppose, but they do say the best way to learn is to explain it to others.” They did not let go of each other. Potter glanced down to see their hands, but didn’t comment.

“So, I suppose with Luna’s help you’re also managing the work, Malfoy?” Potter asked. 

“Yeah. I didn’t focus in the beginning though, so I’m catching up a lot.” He’d gone to so many classes hung over, but now he spent nights with Pansy and Blaise again. Lots of playing cards and making mindless conversation. If one of them got too restless they would take a walk around the grounds together.

“Harsh, the beginning is always the worst place to fall behind. Then nothing else makes sense.” He turned back to Ginny after that, leaving Draco’s heart pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath. It was the first time since Potter had saved him that they had spoken. He still sometimes felt the heat of that fire, he’d wake up in a sweat feeling as though his whole side had been scorched. 

“Ginny’s right, he does smile more,” Luna said to him. “You should tell him that if you haven’t already.” Draco shushed her and looked over at Potter to make sure he hadn’t heard, but he was too busy talking to Ginny. Draco turned away quickly before any emotion could rise to the surface. He did not have time to wonder about the man he wrote to. He had his reward to reap. 

Draco and Luna stayed at each other’s side. Both of them constantly snuck glances over at Potter and Ginny, but pretended they weren’t. At some point Neville came up to walk with them. 

“Ron asked when you started hanging ‘round us, Malfoy. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I told him in was all Ginny’s doing. For a guy who literally killed a part of a man’s soul, you’d think it was the most insane thing he’s ever heard. I hope one day you can see it, I bet it’d get even you to laugh.” He slapped Draco playfully on the shoulder. And Draco found himself smiling again. It happened a lot more these days and it felt like he wouldn't mind getting used to it. 

As it got darker out they decided to head back to the castle for the night. And for some dinner. 

“Yo, Gin,” Weasley said on their way back up, “You got to start writing home more. Mum keeps asking me where all your letters are. I know you hate writing, but just like one or two to get her off my case, will you?” Draco could’ve sworn that time stopped for a beat. It became apparent to him that Potter had not told his friends about the letters he’d been receiving, because neither of them seemed to pick up on the look on Potter’s face. Confusion and alarm and concern and too many things to read all at once. 

“Of course,” she said. Luna flew forward a few steps to link their arms and pull her away. Her version of damage control. 

“Gin, I have a Quidditch question if you don’t mind.”

_Gin,_

_I keep thinking about what you wrote about emotions. You are so surprising. All these insights about me and about the world, I never knew you were so observant. I feel terrible because I don’t have the same things to share with you._

_I wonder what kind of thought experiments you are engaging in. What decisions could you possibly want to take back? If it has anything to do with what happened in your first year, I hope you don’t still blame yourself. We were children, we didn’t know better._

_I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot since we’ve started writing to each other. It’s kind of come full circle, hasn’t it? You and I using each other as diaries that write back? I like the sound of that. I’m glad we’re on the same page about wanting to keep this all up, I look forward to every letter you send._

_-Harry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for the next chapter in which harry and draco will interact some more. who's excited?


	4. tentative conversation and letter heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are more discussions about hair. harry talks to draco. draco is observant. and of course more letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think at the end i'm going to post all their letters in a separate chapter.

_ Dear Harry, _

_ You claim to not have insights and yet her you are talking about full circles. I quite enjoy the sound of diaries that talk back to each other. You feel safe to me too. You wrote that a while ago and it stuck with me.  _

_ In terms of wishing things were different, I suppose some of it goes back to first year, but mostly to do with the last year. The war stole so many things and there were times I could have made better decisions. There were times I got so paralyzed by my own fear that I couldn’t even act. I think that’s what I think about the most -- reversing all the inactions.  _

_ In lighter news, I noticed you still haven’t cut your hair, I think you could almost put up in a little ponytail by now.  _

_ With quiet love,  _

_ Ginny _

Draco took a deep breath before he signed the letter and tried to deny that he’d almost written his own name at the end. He’d almost written about taking back sixth year in its entirety, or making fun of Potter when they were in first year. It killed him that no matter how personal all of it was, how distant he had to be. No matter how safe he felt, he reminded himself that Potter would never have written back if he knew that it was Draco on the other side of his diary. 

He kept thinking back to their trip the past weekend. Potter had just accepted him when he saw him with Luna and Ginny. Well he’d asked about it afterward, but in the moment he talked to Draco like he was another one of their friends. All it had taken was the apparent comfort of those he trusted. It left Draco pondering another useless fancy about what wold have happened if he’d befriended these people sooner, would he and Potter be friends too? 

Draco wanted to wager that yes they would be based off the conversation Ginny told him had taken place. 

“He asked about you, of course. When did we all become friends? And get this, he even asked if there was something happening between you and Lune because you two were holding hands.” 

“Did you tell Luna? She’d be horrified.” 

“No, but I did tell Harry that you two were in no way together. I told him about how you were nice to her at the Manor and how she and I decided to give you another chance. And he told me about a bit of heroics you pulled. I wish I could’ve met this Manor Malfoy, treating prisoners nicely and lying to Death Eaters to save Harry.” She laughed as she said it, but Draco didn’t follow suit. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened at the Manor. How terrible every bloody moment had been. 

“Glad to know Potter doesn’t think Luna is into me,” he said, keeping the conversation away from unpleasantries. “I think she’d explode into a pile of Jobberknolls and let out a terrible sound if people started to think that.” 

“She likes those ones, doesn’t she? I think she likes the idea of them remembering everything. But what makes you think she’d be so horrified? I mean she doesn’t like you that way for sure, but she does like you as a friend. I don’t think she’d be embarrassed or anything.” 

Draco wondered how Ginny could be so blind. After just his first week of spending time with them, he’d picked up on Luna’s feelings for Ginny. Her whole face changed when Ginny was around for starters and in Hogsmeade she seemed to be as in need of Draco’s hand as he was of hers when Ginny and Potter flirted away. 

“Do you think she likes anyone?” Ginny asked, before Draco answered her, “I mean we talk all the time and she’s never mentioned anyone.”

“I don’t know, maybe ask her?”

“But Lune never talks about things like that. The only romance related thing we discuss is Harry and these letters. She thinks they’re stupid.”

“What, why?” He asked, while also planning on getting Luna to spill about how much it must suck to listen to the girl she likes go on about someone else. He hated the fact that he could kind of empathize. Not that he’d mention it, denial was a powerful thing. 

“She said that Harry isn’t actually into  _ me _ . He’s more into the me-that-is-actually-you. And she’s not wrong that you in the letters sound nothing like me. All this stuff you see is as new to me as it is to Harry.”

"Yeah, except that Potter only responded because it was you. I’m sure he gets all sorts of girls writing to him. And believe me, if he knew it was me he’d never reply.”

_ Gin,  _

_ I’m really glad I make you feel safe. It’s funny that even though the war is over and Voldemort is gone, I sometimes catch myself waiting for the next attack or surprise. I know I said that I feel as though Hogwarts raised me, but Voldemort was a part of every year of mine here. That’s a large part of why I came back, to be home and be at peace. I think a lot of people came back for that. To erase the scars the war left on this place and reclaim it. Merlin, writing to you has definitely made me more insightful. What would our friends think? _

_ In terms of inactions I wouldn’t punish yourself over them. As you said - war is an ugly thing. We all had to make hundreds of decisions every hour and sometimes there were no good options. I’m sure at least one of those times you didn’t act means you didn’t get killed. I, for one, am very very glad you are alive. See previous bits about safety. _

_ Also, I have decided to grow my hair out. I’m glad but in no way surprised that you noticed. _

_ -Harry _

“Is that another one of Potter’s letters?” Blaise asked him as they were getting ready for bed. Draco was rereading it for the upteenth time. 

“Maybe,” he said, eyes sticking to the part about being alive.  _ I, for one, am very very glad you are alive _ . It did something all complicated to his general being. It was wholly unpleasant, but he never wanted it to end. 

“Oh, get that look off your face, it’s disgusting.” 

“Huh, what look? I’m just reading.”

“Letters that are meant for someone else. Stop reading them and thinking like he’s falling in love with you.” If only Blaise knew how often Draco reminded himself of that very fact. It was exactly like he said to Ginny earlier, Potter responded because it was her, not because of the contents of the letters. 

“I’m very well aware of that, thank you. It literally has her name at the top.”

But sometimes he let himself think that even though that may have been how this started, it wasn’t still like that. Potter and Ginny interacted in person, and yet Potter still kept on writing. The letters seemed to be a universe unto themselves, nothing that happened outside of them was really mentioned. Not even Potter questioning Ginny’s apparent distaste for writing.

“Don’t let yourself forget it. The last thing you need right now is an unrequited crush. And the last last last thing is for that crush to be on bloody Potter of all people.” 

***

The week after their outing, Potter and his trio started coming to the library before dinner. They technically sat at the next table over, but it was as if they were a part of the group. If Luna was preoccupied, then Granger would answer any question someone had. If a side conversation broke out about strategy or games, Weasley was quick to comment. The side conversations and banter had become a more frequent thing. Draco suspected they’d always been there, but had halted due to his unexpected arrival. 

Draco could talk to almost any of them now and not feel like a complete imposter. Cho and him even started having a whole series of plant based jokes going about Professor Sprout. Mostly, it was purposefully getting the facts wrong about Herbology over and over again until Neville lost it and started ranting about how misinformed they were. It was terribly counterproductive, but so much fun.

“So, Malfoy, um, have you uh caught up on your work?” Potter asked him one day as they all began to start heading to get dinner. His mouth was doing that thing it did when Potter couldn’t  decide if he knew what he was doing or not. It happened when he got called on and was unsure of the answer, the left side of his mouth would twitch. Draco tried not to look at it. 

“Oh, I mean I think so. I’ve been with the group for almost two months now and it’s really helped, yeah.” Draco tried not to show how hard his heart pounded. He scanned to see either Luna or Ginny, someone who could ground him. Or maybe end this. His heart rate approached dangerous levels. But they were talking to each other quietly, giggling and oblivious to his current plight. 

“That’s good. They’re a good group, these guys.” 

“They are. I’m really happy I get to be a part of it. The best surprise I think I said to myself once.” Strange, Draco thought, how quick he felt that he could trust Potter, even if it was so far away from the safety of the letters. 

“It’s good on you. They seem to have really taken to you. Best surprise, yeah. How far we’ve all come, huh?” 

“Yes, quite. I very much needed this fresh start. I’m grateful Ginny and Luna decided to give me another chance.” Then he added because Potter felt like the only one he could say it too, “They didn’t have to and I don’t much deserve it, but they did. I do not intend to waste it.” His shoulders loosened a bit as he took a deep breath out. It was the first time he’d said anything about the second chance he’d been given. About what it was to have these new friends who all had at least implicitly forgiven him for all he’d done. Never had he vocalized how undeserving he felt of it. 

“Well it doesn’t look like you’re wasting it,” Potter said after a long moment, “None of us deserved what happened, so we all deserve another go.” Draco waited for the urge in his hand to find his quill, but it didn’t come. 

“Yeah, and what a better place to do it than here? A place that just like us, got hurt and is healing.” So strange to be having this conversation in person. To be saying it out loud and hearing the words instead of the scratch on the parchment.

“Yeah. Well said.” Potter looked him in the eye. The whole world stopped when Draco looked back. In all the time he spent fixated on Potter’s mouth he hadn’t taken notice of just how green his eyes were. How well they complimented his darker complexion and how big they were when not crinkled behind a smile. Had Potter always been this attractive? 

“Watch where you’re going, Harry,” Dean joked when Potter nearly collided with him. It broke their eye contact and Draco was quick to find anything that wasn’t Potter to look at.

“Sorry, got distracted,” he turned back to Draco, “We should talk some more, see you around...Draco.” And then he was gone, disappearing into the Great Hall to sit with his friends. Leaving Draco standing there, mouth agape like a fish, wondering what had just happened. 

_ Dear Harry,  _

_ I am very glad that you are alive as well. I remember when they announced that you were dead, it’s not a fond memory to say the least. It brings me back to what you said about being at Hogwarts for this new beginning and reclaiming it. I saw so many people die in the place where I now eat all my meals and laugh with my friends.  _

_ I really needed you to tell me not to punish myself for all my inactions. I don’t think I talk about any of it enough so I don’t get told things I probably need to hear. I still think the hardest part about inaction though, was that it wasn’t one decision. It was a continuous choice for as long as the moment lasted. It was the decision a thousand times over to do nothing. I had to pick it again and again.  _

_ I can’t wait for your ponytail.  _

_ With quiet love,  _

_ Ginny _

“So you and Potter are on speaking terms now?” Pansy asked while the three of them played cards after dinner one night. 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Draco said, “More like we now have a few mutual friends. Oh and he said we should talk more the other day and we sort of say hi to each other now, so maybe.”

“He said what now? Do you think he knows it’s you writing the letters?”

“No, I think he’d kill me if he found out. And he seems rather taken with Ginny. He always gives her these soft looks and all that.” 

“We need to find you someone else to like,” Blaise chimed in, “The amount of effort you just put in to making it seem like you don’t care that he likes her is not a good look on you. Your voice should not sound like that, I hate it.”

“I wrote these so that he would like Ginny. Of course I care that he’s into her, it means I did my job well.”

“He’s got it bad, Pans.”

“So so bad.”

“I do not!”

“Just admit it. It’s been over two months of this. Now I don't know what it is you two discuss, but you clearly love writing him and you stare at him all the bloody time. It’s so obvious, I’m surprised you’re pal Ginny hasn’t figured it out.” He knew they were right and it was getting harder and harder to deny. He’d almost admitted it earlier that week to Luna while they talked about how oblivious Ginny was to her feelings. Apparently she was blind to Draco’s as well. How the hell had she been pulling off being the one to write all that stuff when she couldn’t see what’s right in front of her? 

“Ginny isn’t the most observant of people, no.”

“Draco, don’t avoid the question.” 

“Fine, I like him. But similarly to the way he likes me. On paper. We’d never be able to do any of it in real life.” Even if he felt he could be just as honest to Potter in person as he was on paper. Even if he now got to see Potter’s smile up close. If Draco ever pulled one out of him, he’d probably combust, “Blaise, it’s your turn if you please.”

_ G,  _

_ In case you need to hear it again, you shouldn’t punish yourself. The same way we don’t punish Hogwarts for all the terrible things that happened here. If you can laugh in the Great Hall then you can forgive yourself for being a teenager with fears.  _

_ I think about my cousin, sometimes. He’s also eighteen, but so much younger. He’s never lost anything, never seen anyone die, never woken up knowing that his decisions could cost his friends their lives. And you’d think I’d hate him for it, but I really don’t. The fact that he cares about his clothes and car and about poor tasting tattoos and isn’t haunted by nightmares actually comforts me in a way. It helps me forgive myself for some bad calls, because we were, and still are, just kids basically.  _

_ Do you have any plans for your hair in the future? We talk so much about mine, it isn’t very fair.  _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Harry _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you notice the change????? hehehehehe


	5. panic and montages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> handwriting is ghost that will haunt. emotions will be felt. endings will happen. and of course more letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter!!! lmk if you want me to post another with just their letters. enjoy!

_Dear Harry,_

_I hope you know what these letters mean to me. Just reading the words ‘you shouldn’t punish yourself’ and hearing them in your voice has done wonders in a way I don’t think you grasp._

_Your assessment about age is an intriguing one. We talk often about our childhoods being ripped away from us, but not as us as children fighting the war. Though I am not sure being older would have changed much of what I did. If I’d still had the same friends and cared about the same people, I probably would have made very similar calls later in life._

_In terms of my hair, I haven’t given it much thought. I am very attached to the length I’ve maintained it at._

_With quiet love,_

_Ginny_

“Draco?” Potter asked in the library a couple days later, “Do you understand this bit about the mugroot in this potion?” 

“Which bit?” Potter pointed to his scroll, but Draco couldn’t see it from where he was seated at the other table. So Potter stood up and took Luna’s seat next to him. She had gone with Ginny to help her look for a book for some essay. Draco had winked at her as they disappeared between the stacks. 

“Oh, that’s a little tricky,” he said and explained how without the mugroot, there’d be nothing to stabilize the rest of the mixture, “That’d be about where you’d lose your eyebrows. I’d reckon to say that your glasses wouldn’t appreciate it either.” 

Potter laughed a little and pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. Then ran his fingers through his hair. Draco smiled knowingly. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you make a joke not directed at somebody.” 

“My friends happen to find me very amusing. Also, I can’t recall the last time you made a joke either.” 

“I suppose neither of us are known for their humour.”

“Did you not hear what I just said? I’m incredibly comedic. Ask Cho if you don't believe me.” Potter laughed lightly again, this time rolling his eyes. Then he looked back down at his homework and got back to work without getting up to move. Draco realized that if he just moved a little bit their legs would be touching. Then promptly set about getting that idea out of his head. He had Charms homework to finish.

“I don’t think I paid enough attention in class today, I’m not even sure I get this question.”

“Was something distracting you?” Pansy had been pestering him throughout the whole lesson, so Draco hadn't spent his time taking in every detail of Potter’s demeanor. Though the urge to write it all down had been subsiding since this whole letter proposition began. 

“Almost fell asleep, actually. Was up late thinking about some letters I have to respond to. Stupid thing to lose sleep over when there are so many other things that make sleeping hard.” Draco’s heart stopped dead in his rib cage. Potter wasn’t even looking at him though. You asked a question, Draco told himself, he’s just giving you an answer because that is how conversation flows. Don’t do anything reckless, like say he’s just eighteen and should forgive himself for acting that way.

“Well that’s annoying, but I understood today’s lesson so let me help. See here,” he reached to pull out his Potions notes and work. He pointed to the part Potter was asking about so he could teach him what they'd covered in the second half of the lesson. It was only when Potter tensed slightly did he realize his error. Potter’s eyes stuck immediately to the words on the page. Draco tried to ignore it, pretend nothing was happening and kept talking. He began walking Potter through what they had learned. Potter just sat there silently staring. 

“Dinner time, finally,” Dean said and Draco wanted to give him a hug for the excuse to get out of the library as fast as possible. He stopped talking mid-sentence and started packing up his stuff. Potter did not seem to notice, Granger would have to reteach him it all later, Draco doubted Potter had heard a word of what he said. 

“Oh hello, Harry,” Luna said, showing back up again with Ginny at her side, “Do you mind if I get my bags, please?” Draco had already stood up and began heading towards the door. 

“Um, yeah, sure, uh, Ginny, can I talk to you for a sec?” Potter asked and Draco ran away before anything else could happen. 

***

“Draco, stop pacing so much, you’ll start to tunnel down.” Blaise said. He and Pansy had brought Draco down to the lake to freak out in peace. He still hadn’t managed to tell them the whole story. He just kept saying one word or sentence fragments and then would start freaking out all over again. 

So far he’d manage to spit out - _handwriting, potions homework, handwriting, Ginny_ and _oh no oh no oh no_. 

Now he just kept pacing back and forth and back and forth trying to figure out what to do next. Potter had to know that it was him who was writing the letters. There was no way that he didn’t, unless he was profoundly stupid, which he wasn’t if his letters were anything to go by. But Draco had no idea how Potter felt about it. 

He hadn’t seemed mad about it, but then again he’d gone into a state of shock so it was all up in the air as to what came next. He’d asked to speak to Ginny and didn’t seem all that mad at her either so maybe that was a good sign. Draco just didn’t know. 

Draco couldn’t think about not writing the letters anymore. What the loss of them would mean to him. What it would be to lose the little island of safety they’d created together. To not have someone telling him it was okay to forgive himself. Especially because he hadn't completely forgiven himself yet. He’d just started to, just started to smile again and have friends, new and old. He’d barely passed the beginning and didn’t want to face the rest of the journey without Potter. 

He should go find Ginny and ask her what happened. Or better yet find Luna too and have her hold his hand while he got filled in. 

“Um, Draco. Draco, you have visitors.” As if summoned by his thoughts Luna was coming toward him, along with Ginny and Potter. _Oh no oh no oh no oh no._

“Want to hex me into oblivion, Pans?” 

“Nope, sorry.” 

“Blaise?”

“No can do, my friend.” 

Ginny hurried a few paces ahead and came to talk to him first. 

“Okay, so um, Harry knows that it’s you who’s been writing him letters and not me. He’s actually known it’s been not me for a while now, but that’s not the point. The point is he wants to talk to you. Also, I realized I don’t really like him.”

“I have follow up questions.”

“You can ask anything you want later, for now you are going to talk to Harry and sort this all out. And this time you really don’t have a choice.” 

“I never do, do I?” The longer he talked to her, the more he put off talking to Potter. 

“No, you don’t. Now quit stalling and get over there.” Draco looked over at Potter, who stared at him, his face doing something that Draco didn’t recognize. “Just go.” She said again and pushed him. 

He had very limited options if he didn’t want to turn and literally run away. So he went up to Potter, who was wearing his uncomfortable smile, and did not look him in the eye. Instead Draco looked at the grass and thought about how’d he describe the way it was all crushed under his foot. 

“Want to go for a walk?” Potter asked and Draco nodded. They walked in awkward silence until they were out of ear shot of their friends. Draco tried to figure how to phrase his apology, which was especially hard because he hated apologizing, plus he was terrible at it. He was going to get the words all wrong - this is why he preferred writing, more time to think.

“I think I should start,” Potter said, “I’ll say what happened and then you tell me if there is anything that needs clarifying. For unimportant reasons, Ginny came to you with a plan to get me to like her, where you wrote love letters to me for her. In exchange, she invited you to hang out with her friends to help restore your reputation.”

“That would be correct,” Draco said. He still couldn’t tell what Potter was feeling.  
  
“I’m not finished. So I started replying and all the letters I thought were going to Ginny were also going to you and you were the one replying. All those insights about me and life were all you. All the talk about safety and diaries and confessions - all of that was with you and not Ginny. In fact she had nothing to do with the writing of them at all.”

“That would be correct, yes.” 

“Okay so now that we have all the facts down, I’m going to tell you the bits you don’t know. I’ve known for a while that Ginny wasn’t the one writing me letters. There was too much of a disconnect between her and the person writing. I even addressed a couple differently once I was certain. I mean Gin is great and so smart, but she did not notice my yawns or write down these ideas about quiet and reclaiming Hogwarts. When she talks about the war, which she doesn’t much with me, it’s not in terms of thought experiments or indecision. It’s about fighting to protect people or about her brother. 

“So I know I’m writing to someone and I’m trying to figure who. I know Ginny is pretending to be the one, so it has to be someone she’s close to. But none of our friends sound like this person, even in our contemplative moments. Now I did a fair amount of investigating last year, actually in all my years of school, so this part wasn’t really that hard. Around the same time these letters start popping up, Ginny all of a sudden befriends life-long prick, Draco Malfoy. And then in my first real conversation with you, you all but quote the current conversation we are having in the letters. 

“At first I thought, maybe Ginny shared them with you, but she would never do that. My next thought was that it had to be a coincidence because no way you noticed all these things about me and were interested in my hair. But then I saw your notes earlier and no one can ignore that much evidence. I’m honestly kinda surprised that neither of you thought about handwriting. There’s got to be a spell or something to mimic handwriting and you’re both so smart and I don’t get how you missed that.

“But see the thing is, I’m not angry. I ought to be, but I’m not, which is confusing. So I figured I’d give you a chance to explain your side of the story. We’ll see how I feel after, I guess.”

Draco had never heard Potter say so many words at once. It was all so overwhelming and so surreal. He knew Potter wasn’t stupid, but listening to his thought process was mesmerizing. This is the part where you say something, Draco told himself, you best figure it out quick. He took a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean for them to get so personal. Ginny recruited me because she found out I write stuff down about people. All the time, not just you,” Potter’s face did another thing that Draco hadn’t witnessed before, “It’s a coping mechanism my mother taught me. Whenever the memories surface and I’m back there, I start writing down everything I see in as much detail as possible. I tend to write what I notice about people, mostly in the moment. The way a girl would wrap her hair around her fingers or how someone would use their quill to flick a piece of dust off their robes.” He almost started listing more to calm down, but realized that Potter probably got the point. 

“I thought that I would write a few letters for Ginny with some observations, you’d ask her out and that would be it. But you wrote back and you kept writing back and it got personal. You started sharing all these private things with me and reassuring me. I should have stopped, but I couldn’t. I meant what I said about needing to hear it.” He was struck again by how easy it was to be vulnerable in front of Potter. Whatever magic the letters contained it transferred to in person interaction. Despite the pounding in his ears and the cold breeze, the world was quiet, “I meant everything I wrote.” 

He took a deep breath and let himself look at Potter. He stared at Draco, scanning his face. Draco didn’t know what he was looking for. His body just paused in the moment waiting for Potter to say something. Every second that dragged, another little part of Draco threaten to break. All the pieces he’d been carefully putting back together for the last couple of months threatened to collapse. How terrifying that one person held so much power over him again. 

“I told you things I’ve never told anyone and you were lying to me. Those letters are some of my most private things, I told no one about them, not even Ron and Hermione. But for you? You could say anything and not get hurt because you weren’t really being you. I should be furious with you and I am upset, but ugh, I don’t know what I think. I think I need time to process all of this.” 

“I understand,” Draco said and he felt himself begin to buckle under the weight of the oncoming rubble. 

“Well, good night then, I guess.” Potter said and headed back up toward the castle. They’d stopped walking at some point in the conversation, so Draco stood there by himself. “Oh, but one thing, Draco,” Potter said, turning around, “I also meant what I said in the letters, you don’t have to punish yourself for your mistakes.” And then he was gone and Draco didn't crumble. 

***

The next few days dragged on in a blur. It wasn’t as if they’d been exchanging letters on a daily basis, but Draco still felt the lack of them. Ginny had given him all of the ones Potter wrote and Draco reread them so many times he had them memorized. But he kept coming back to them. 

He also felt a distinct lack of Potter’s general presence. He didn’t come to the library to do work and he even managed to make himself disappear from the hallways. The only way Draco knew he was even still at Hogwarts was because they had classes together. 

His friends all knew what happened. Blaise, who had hidden all of Draco’s alcohol, poured him _one_ drink. Pansy had brought his head down to her lap and did a bunch of tiny little braids, undid them and then did them again. Neither said they were sorry, thank Merlin. Draco couldn't think of a word he hated more than sorry. They did what they always did, sat with him and didn’t push. He told them he loved them before going to bed. 

He did get to ask his follow up questions to Ginny. 

“So you don’t have feelings for him?” 

“I thought I did. And think I might have at some point, but no, I don’t. He’s wonderful and an amazing friend, but he’s not for me. All that stuff you guys talked about in the letters was so much deeper than anything he and I had. I also realized that I did have that kind of connection, just with, um, someone else.” 

“Someone else?” If she said any name other than Luna’s Draco was going to punch her. 

“Well I haven’t told them yet, but yeah.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s, uh, well it’s Luna.” She said it so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. She leaned forward and put her forearms on her knees and looked directly at the floor as she said it. 

“You should tell her,” he said, thanking anyone that was out there for this moment. Luna was going to be ecstatic. 

“Really? Do you think she likes me back? We hang out loads and we talk about everything and anything and sometimes I think we might kiss, but we never talk about romantic stuff.” 

“That’s because she likes you and therefore has had nothing to say to you on the subject because you were too busy pining after Potter.” 

“I have to go!” Ginny squealed and reached for her things, “Where do you think she is now? Oh Merlin, I have to find her. This is so exciting. I can’t believe she likes me, oh what?” She bounced out of the chair, prepared to run. 

Before she could dash off, Draco said, “Gin, if you hurt her I will kill you, understood?”

“Hey, we’re friends too!”

“Understood?”

“I’m not going to hurt her. Have you looked at her? She’s beautiful.” Draco laughed to himself as she raced off. 

***

It was over a week before he got the letter. 

_Draco,_

_It feels both strange and more right to be writing your name. Also knowing it’s you makes it much easier to reply to your last letter. So in terms of age and life choices for you, I think you might be right about your assessment that for you it wasn’t about age, but about surroundings. But I remember you in sixth year, you didn’t exactly seem the most willing of pawns. I know that you were changing._

_You should also know that this is my hundredth attempt at writing this. I kind of hate that the feeling of safety hasn’t faded, it would make it easier to be angry._

_Also now that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else, can I get the honest plan for your hair? Again you seem so invested in mine, I feel it’s only fair and you most definitely owe me._

_\- Harry_

_Dear Harry,_

_It was strange to see my name at the top and I’m sure it will be strange as well to sign it at the bottom. But I’m glad it feels right to you as well._

_I still grapple with the fact that you thought you didn’t have insights. Just because you don’t notice hair or the way people wear their glasses, doesn’t mean you aren’t perceptive. You are also incredibly good at telling over stories. You barely stuttered or paused during your whole explanation of our situation, it was quite impressive. It’s that same confidence you have while playing Quidditch. Straight to the point, no time for anything else._

_My hair is an interesting subject, I’ve contemplated multiple styles. I know I would look amazing with it longer, but I was telling the truth when I said I was quite attached to the length it is now._

_Sincerely,_

_Draco_

_p.s - strange but good_

_Draco,_

_You’ve caught on to another fact about me that I am actually aware of. Over the years I’ve gotten quite proficient at telling stories, mainly to teachers. I’ve sat in the Headmistress’s office many times and explained what had happened, whatever it was that I'd managed to get myself into that time. Seems as though I’ve gotten good at it._

_And don’t think I didn’t notice the fact that you failed to respond to my observation about how you were changing before this year. I can’t say I one hundred percent understand parental pressure, but I do know what it is for people to have expectations of you that you never signed up for. And you resisted turning into one of them when it mattered most. Don’t think I don’t know that without you, I’d be dead._

_Hair wise I do not have much expertise, so I can’t really comment on your hair. At this point, I’ve decided to keep mine long, but will need help learning what looks I’ll actually be able to pull off. Know any experts I can ask?_

_-Harry_

_Dear Harry,_

_Again, how did you ever think you were unobservant? Maybe you were just always paying attention to the thing that was trying to kill you, so you missed out on what regular teenagers get to think about. Like sixth year, Pansy had this whole torrid romance with someone and I completely just missed it._

_I am not going to avoid the subject at hand though. I don’t know when I started changing. When I was a kid, everything my father said was like gold. The more he told me things, the more I wanted to learn. I held onto them and to his ideology. It was pretty easy honestly, there was nothing to contradict it all and my father was powerful and I could have anything I wanted. I think he never expected for the Dark Lord to return. He was vile and twisted and even my father looked away sometimes. Maybe if I’d been at home the whole time, if I wasn’t exposed to anything else, then I would have become the Death Eater they wanted. Instead I was here, interacting with living contradictions to their preachings. My father taught me many things, and one of them was to not have a soft head. Granger was probably the hardest blow to it all, at the least the hardest to ignore. Best in every class and Muggleborn._

_I am more than happy to show you as many styles as you like in regards to your hair. I happen to have many opinions._

_Sincerely,_

_Draco_

_p.s - i can completely imagine little twelve year old Potter sitting in the Headmistress’s office explaining how Lockhart was an idiot_

“Now hand me the hair tie, thank you.” Harry passed it to Draco who had his hands tangled up in Harry’s hair. “That should do it, the perfect messy bun.” 

“What’s the point of spending ten minutes fussing over it, just to have it be messy?” Harry went to look at his reflection in a conjured mirror. In the last two months, they’d been hanging out more and more and were currently with all their friends in one of the courtyards. 

“Don’t ask him that, please Potter. He’ll go off and as glad as I am to have fussy Draco back, I did not miss the rants.” Blaise sat on the next bench over reading a book and giving commentary on Draco the hairdresser. 

“Oh shut it, I wasn’t going to rant. Now Harry, there are a couple of strands that need fixing.” Draco lied. Certainly not the sake of putting his hands in Harry’s hair again or for the excuse to be close to him.

“Sure there are,” Blaise whispered in his book. 

***

“Why did I spend the first bit of this year drinking? I’m going to fail.” They were studying for exams and Draco just wanted to go to sleep. 

“You drank at the beginning of the year?” Harry asked from his usual seat on Draco’s left.

“I came to nearly every class hungover. It’s ruined me academically.” Ginny rolled her eyes at him. She sat next to Luna who occupied Draco’s right.

“Oh come on now, don’t be so dramatic, you’ll do fine. Quit complaining.”

“I have follow up questions on the drinking,” Harry whispered to him. The table was always really cramped and Draco felt Harry's breath in his ear. 

“Later, now we’re studying. Put it in a letter.” The letter writing had remained mostly the same over their months of friendship, but letter delivery had changed. It now became a complex game of delivering without the other person noticing. Sneaking it into each other's bag or amongst their papers. Charming it so only the other could open it and finding complicated ways to get their friends involved. And one time, quite spectacularly, Harry managed to slip it into the pockets of Draco’s robes without him realizing. 

Their friendship was ultimately bizarre. Once Harry wrote that first letter, it was still a couple of days before they saw each other in person. Another couple weeks until they really started talking in person. Harry was still hurt that he’d been lied to and kept away. But the letters never stopped. Harry continued to vent his frustration at his lack of anger until Granger finally told him to shut it and get over himself. 

Draco wasn’t there at the time, but apparently she said something along the lines of, “Stop acting all butthurt. Yes, they both betrayed your trust, but you aren’t angry because they didn’t do it to hurt you. You’ve already forgiven them and you clearly still trust Malfoy because you’re always going off to write to him, so get over yourself and be happy. You owe it to yourself to be happy.”

***

Draco had always been physically affectionate with his friends, so he had no qualms of treating Harry the same way. The brunette, easily flustered at first, quickly adapted. He left his hand on Draco’s knee, he’d walk with arms linked back to the castle with him, Ginny and Luna. He knew when to hold Draco’s hand when he told a dark story and when to slap him for being a prick. 

The only thing that got frustrating was Draco’s constantly elevated heart rate. How could he still allow one person to have so much control over him? He thought about Harry constantly, it got quite infuriating. And every little thought he scrawled out in a letter and Harry responded with observations of his own. Many of them going back to sixth year. 

It was before Easter when it happened. The whole lot of them were down by the lake again. They really didn’t fit in the library comfortably. Neville and Cho were learning from Weasley how to skip rocks; Blaise, Pansy and Granger were in a heated argument about some book Draco hadn’t gotten around to reading yet; others were practicing some spells on the banks. The day was much more pleasant than the majority of the evenings Draco had frequented the lake during the winter. No heating charms needed. 

“Oh there you two are. You do know it’s rude to ditch your friends to go make out, right?” Draco teased when Ginny and Luna finally showed up. He and Harry were lounging under a tree, both had their backs pressed up against the trunk.

“You should try it sometime.” Ginny teased right back. “Or would you get too lost in thinking of ways to describe it in a letter to Harry later?” The four of them laughed, but Draco looked to Harry who looked at him. Draco did not disclose that he had imagined the many different possibilities of what kissing Harry would be like. Only a few of them ended with rejection. Harry's fingers were very close to his own, resting on the grass, Draco reached out and Harry reached back. They weren’t quite holding hands, but their fingertips entwined. 

“I would not be thinking about that when I kiss. I have a very single minded focus on whatever task I am in the midst of.” 

“And yet you can write a portrait of notes about the room and still be able to understand homework.” Harry said. 

“Who’s side are you on?”

“The side that gets you to make that face. That’s the one. Here comes the nose twitch,” he loudly whispered to Luna.

“I taught you how to spot that. You're using my ways against me.”

“Yes, I am,” Harry said and then completely took Draco’s hand. Another thing he’d learned from Draco about Draco - he got more of a word in edgewise if he held Draco’s hand.

The conversation moved on and on they all chatted. It was a day off and they’d all decided they needed a break so no one had anywhere to go. The time drifted on and Draco rested his head on Harry’s shoulder at one point and next he knew he was being gently shaken awake. 

“Draco, it’s time to head back inside. Everyone else’s already gone. C’mon, wake up.” 

“Fine, if I must, but I’m comfortable.”

“And my back is killing like a bitch, I haven’t moved for over an hour, sleepyhead.” Draco reluctantly sat up and stretched and Harry did the same. Then he stood and pulled Draco up after him. He even got a thank you for all his efforts. 

“Draco,” Harry said as Draco turned to head back to the castle, “You’re always honest with me, right?”

“Of course, why do you ask?” Draco had been nothing but honest with Harry since he found out about his and Ginny’s deal. In fact he told Harry almost everything. He turned back to face him.

“Do you ever write observations down about people that you don’t tell me about?” 

“Not many, no. I’ve stopped writing most of my observations down, the memories don’t bother me as much.” This made Harry smile. His only smile that was genuine, but didn't make his eyes crinkle, it was just too soft. 

“I like when you look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re categorizing my face. I know you have a list of my different facial expressions, I like the way you look when you’re filing away. Do you have such a comprehensive list for anyone else.” 

“No, I-” and then Harry kissed him. That soft smile covered his open and shocked mouth and then they were kissing. Draco quickly wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and pressed as much of his body forward as he could. Ginny was wrong, when Harry kissed him every thought in his head emptied out. He couldn’t describe it if he tried. 

“Good,” Harry said when they pulled away, “Because I only have such a list for you too.” This time Draco kissed Harry and never intended on stopping. 

_Draco,_

_Easter break is almost over and I can’t wait to see you again. Sending you letters through owl is much more dull. Though warning I am enlisting the help of certain Weasley brothers to figure out a way to sneak one into your trousers. Ginny is not being informed of any plans._

_Being back at the Manor sounds dreadful, but glad to know that your nightmares aren’t too bad and that you aren’t drinking. Practice flying maybe, as I recall you owe me a match here at the Burrow._

_Write as much as you need, I promise to read them all, even if their horribly detailed descriptions of your garden._ ~~_Or take Ginny’s advice and write how it feels to kiss me because Merlin I miss it_~~

_Yours,_

_Harry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love happy endings! this chapter ended up being way longer than i thought it was going to be but i'm not complaining. follow on me on tumblr where i post more writing stuff if you liked this @leelas-writing 
> 
> thank you all for your comments and support and i hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed part one. part two coming very soon. I cant imagine this being more than three/four chapters.


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